My life goes in cycles. I can never put my finger on defining them precisely, but I'm sure it happens! Up and down. And up and down. Up. Around. Down. If I could be so bold as to refer to my penultimate post, I said part of my goal in opening this year was to live through college auditions. I did! Very exciting! I am amazed at how much I learned over the month and a half I was auditioning, and I am looking forward to replenishing this blog with posts about these wonderful lessons.
Back to cycles. One thing that shocked me about audition season is how I felt license to excuse so many things because I was practicing more than usual. Everything from, "laundry can wait another day," to "yes, this sermon is convicting, but I'll apply it to my life after the stress leaves." The thing is, the audition cycle has wound down, but my life still has plenty of other wheels of busyness chugging around. What bothers me is how often I feel caught up in a certain cycle, and I use it as an excuse to not examine my life and make changes to my life. For instance, I often stumble upon a habit I know should be broken before leaving for college. Yet instead of concentrating on the problem and fixing it, I ignore it, and let it continue, with the bankrupt excuse that, "I'm too busy now, but someday when life is all daffodils and bacon, I'll get around to fixing it." Unfortunately I'm realizing, though there are cycles, and there are ups and downs, life generally accelerates. And gets faster. And speeds up. I think in one sense that's how it should be. (That's another blog topic)
How do I stop using my cycles of business and stress to willfully blind myself against areas in my life that need to be fixed? Yes, it will take time, and yes it will hurt. I worry letting bad habits live on only gives them more opportunity to circle (cycle?) around and bite me in the heels.
There were things I noticed during the past few months that need to be fixed. It seemed hard to change them then, but it really doesn't seem any easier now. I'm trying so hard to peer into my future, looking down to untangle my feet seems risky. I might swerve off the path.
I think I have a theoretical answer. Charlotte Bronte said, "I try to avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward." I think she understood the feeling I have. Certainly the last thing to do is to look downward! Trying to get various things, big and small, straightened out on my own, with my own sight and my own strength, is not very smart!
Nevertheless, how does that work out practically? The Holy Spirit. It's amazing how many of life's problems and conflicts can be solved if you go back to the Gospel! I think God is slowly teaching me, over time, that when I try to fix my own problems on my own strength and my own time, I'm going to fail. God is teaching me to let go of myself and look up so I can let Him take over. He can fix my problems and make me into what he desires with His strength.
It's a simple reminder, but I am writing about this because the Gospel is always impacting me in new ways; God is continually sanctifying me through auditions, fellow Christians, and even my dog. (That's another story.)
So this is what I have learned about auditions and cycles in general. Life does not settle down and wait for problems to be fixed methodically and reasonably on human terms. It just doesn't. Granted, there are some rather big moments (like audition days) where you have to focus immensely on one single aspect of your life, but even then, we have to allow the Holy Spirit to mend us and work in our lives even during the stress, through the cycles of chaos. Because frankly, if we don't allow the Holy Spirit to work in those times, He will have very little time get the job done!
I hope this is helpful and I happily await sharing more with you about the past two months.
Back to cycles. One thing that shocked me about audition season is how I felt license to excuse so many things because I was practicing more than usual. Everything from, "laundry can wait another day," to "yes, this sermon is convicting, but I'll apply it to my life after the stress leaves." The thing is, the audition cycle has wound down, but my life still has plenty of other wheels of busyness chugging around. What bothers me is how often I feel caught up in a certain cycle, and I use it as an excuse to not examine my life and make changes to my life. For instance, I often stumble upon a habit I know should be broken before leaving for college. Yet instead of concentrating on the problem and fixing it, I ignore it, and let it continue, with the bankrupt excuse that, "I'm too busy now, but someday when life is all daffodils and bacon, I'll get around to fixing it." Unfortunately I'm realizing, though there are cycles, and there are ups and downs, life generally accelerates. And gets faster. And speeds up. I think in one sense that's how it should be. (That's another blog topic)
How do I stop using my cycles of business and stress to willfully blind myself against areas in my life that need to be fixed? Yes, it will take time, and yes it will hurt. I worry letting bad habits live on only gives them more opportunity to circle (cycle?) around and bite me in the heels.
There were things I noticed during the past few months that need to be fixed. It seemed hard to change them then, but it really doesn't seem any easier now. I'm trying so hard to peer into my future, looking down to untangle my feet seems risky. I might swerve off the path.
I think I have a theoretical answer. Charlotte Bronte said, "I try to avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward." I think she understood the feeling I have. Certainly the last thing to do is to look downward! Trying to get various things, big and small, straightened out on my own, with my own sight and my own strength, is not very smart!
Nevertheless, how does that work out practically? The Holy Spirit. It's amazing how many of life's problems and conflicts can be solved if you go back to the Gospel! I think God is slowly teaching me, over time, that when I try to fix my own problems on my own strength and my own time, I'm going to fail. God is teaching me to let go of myself and look up so I can let Him take over. He can fix my problems and make me into what he desires with His strength.
It's a simple reminder, but I am writing about this because the Gospel is always impacting me in new ways; God is continually sanctifying me through auditions, fellow Christians, and even my dog. (That's another story.)
So this is what I have learned about auditions and cycles in general. Life does not settle down and wait for problems to be fixed methodically and reasonably on human terms. It just doesn't. Granted, there are some rather big moments (like audition days) where you have to focus immensely on one single aspect of your life, but even then, we have to allow the Holy Spirit to mend us and work in our lives even during the stress, through the cycles of chaos. Because frankly, if we don't allow the Holy Spirit to work in those times, He will have very little time get the job done!
I hope this is helpful and I happily await sharing more with you about the past two months.
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